I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
