Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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