god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
