Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
