it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
