Plan B is the new Plan A
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
