I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
