we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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