the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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