I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
