just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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