the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
