And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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