i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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