Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
