A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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