My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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