I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
