Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
