Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
