I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
