Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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