Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
