I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
