I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Acid is not a monday night drug
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
