Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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