there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
