Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
