My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
