I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
