I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
