I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
