i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
