if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
