Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The uberlube is also flammable
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
