Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
