I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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