If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
