this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
