come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
