The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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