And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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