I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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