OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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