I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
