Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
