it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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