I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
