you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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