i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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