just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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