so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize