Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
