I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
