i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
As shirtless as possible
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
