We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
