i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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