I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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