Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
