So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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