Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
