Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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