I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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