Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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