Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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